No Soliciting—a roundel #NationalPoetryMonth

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Do any of you have "No Soliciting" signs by your front door? If yes, are they effective? Do they serve to repel all those who would have you buy whatever it is they are selling? Does the sign work like garlic on vampires, or do people ignore it and ring your bell anyway?

I've got to confess: I'm horrible about turning people away. When we were younger and (slightly) more gullible, my spouse and I threw cash at many a stranger thinking we could return to our dinners faster this way.

If you look up "idiot compassion" in a Buddhist dictionary, you'll see our pictures sketched there, WSJ-style.

We need to remedy this. I've been leading on some poor Jehovah's Witnesses for years, simply because I don't have the heart to tell women my grandmother's age that I'm not interested.

Please tell me that if I purchase a sign, I will make my problem disappear.

In the meantime, I wrote this roundel* that exposes me for the cranky hermit that I am.


No Soliciting

Who's at the door? Is it the mailman?
No. It's the Jesus freaks with their lore.
Damn! They've been knocking since time began!
Who's at the door

but righteous marms with pamphlets that bore
me, telling me God favors their clan.
I should just say, "Don't come anymore!"

What if my home had a stronger floor plan?
A parapet from which I could pour
boiling oil! Wrong, but not much worse than
who's at the door.


*A roundel is an 11-line poem. 9 lines have the same number of syllables, plus two refrains; one after the third line and the other after the last line. The refrain must be identical with the beginning of the first line. It may be a half-line, and it rhymes with the second line. Roundels have three stanzas and the following rhyme scheme: ABAR; BAB; ABAR, where R is the refrain.

Do you have a roundel you'd like to share with me? Short of that, how about an effective sign suggestion? I'll gladly take either! Oh my god- I'm soliciting you for poems and sign suggestions. Oh, my hypocrisy! Sigh. (I promise I won't knock on your door, though.)